After resigning from my job, I suddenly found myself with a ton of free time on my hands these days. It took me a month to make up my mind about writing this blog. Eventually, I realized that it was crucial to write down some of my experiences or thoughts as they are right now for my future self. I also thought it might be meaningful to share them online. Let’s see if my perspective remains the same as time goes on.

Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash

Fairness

I have lived under the belief that good people would eventually be rewarded for their actions my entire life. Having said that, as far as I can remember, I’ve tried to avoid exploiting others. I’ve held onto the belief that people will face the consequences of their choices. However, recent times have shown me that I was way off the mark. Everyone’s just looking out for themselves and trying to get ahead. People don’t care about correctness as much as I expected. For example, at work, there are always people who do way less but end up with more perks than those who work harder. Even within families, if you have siblings, there’s usually one that seems to get more attention than the others. It might just be bad luck. So, what I’ve come to realize is that people are just full of biases, self-interest, and emotions. It’s a basic part of human nature.

As it kept happening to me repeatedly. I was like, “Why? I’m doing nothing wrong.” I sought justice and fairness, which only served to drive me mad and create *bias *in me. Until I ended up becoming that kind of person who always tries to look for someone or something to blame, I didn’t really like who I had become.

Therefore, at this point, I’ve made up my mind to let go of the idea of seeking justice or trying to be a good person. Be more realistic and also prioritize looking out for myself. Maybe I should grab whatever opportunities I can and make the most of them. Because for me, life is not always fair.

Balance

I have always been the kind of person who prefers to handle things on her own. Having said that, I can trace most of my accomplishments back to my own thoughts and efforts without really involving family or friends. I guess I thought that to be successful, I had to be self-reliant and self-sufficient. Moreover, I feel more accomplished when I accomplish things by myself. Asking for help somehow feels like admitting failure, which is not cool, so I kept doing it all on my own until I kind of reached a point of burnout. That’s when I started to let others help me.

As a result, It made me realize that sometimes I don’t have to shoulder everything on my own. I needed to stop acting like I was solely responsible for everything, as that’s not how life works. Learning to ask for help is crucial, and it’s okay to do so. Don’t worry too much about what others think of you, like, “Do they look down on me?” Even if you’ve managed to handle everything yourself, some people might still have their opinions. And you know what? The most important thing is your health. Your mental well-being should never be compromised for anything.

Nothing is worth sacrificing your mental health for

I can relate to this because I used to see a mental health professional when I was feeling low. However, it didn’t work for me. The real stress, even more than burnout, came from bills. So, take care of yourself, don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t hesitate to look for support when you need it. Be aware of what you can take on yourself and when to ask for help. Leaning on others is fine sometimes.

Communication

I am the kind of introverted person who doesn’t usually enjoy explaining things. I’ve heard the phrase “Communication is key” countless times. But never really followed that advice. Thoughts like, “It’s common sense, isn't it? I don’t want to explain. Should I tell them directly how I feel?” makes me avoid explaining things to others. But this approach often leads to lots of conflicts in my life, whether at work or with family.

For example, when someone does something that I really don’t like or disagree with, instead of directly telling them my thoughts, I choose to stay quiet. But this just sets off a ticking time bomb of frustration in my relationship. Even so, when I finally gather the guts to open up and talk to them, it’s like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. I became aware of how mistaken I was. There is no such thing as common sense. People can’t read my mind, and even if they are really close to me, they can’t know what’s going on in my head. Everyone has their own unique background or experience.

In this way, I’ve learned to just “Speak it out”. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with others. This way, we can better understand each other and avoid unnecessary misunderstandings and conflicts. Avoid being the one who is overly considerate. I still don’t do it well, but I constantly remind myself that from now on, Don't be considerate of people too much. Speak your mind.

Connections

I have been standing against this word for a long time. I totally disagree with it. To me, “connection” seems like a double-edged sword. It’s like everyone has their own motives behind their kindness, and sometimes it feels like people are just taking advantage of others. So, I see myself thinking, “You can’t do that without needing help from others, right? Do I owe them something?” These thoughts randomly pop up in my head. So, I literally try my best to avoid relying on connections.

But here’s the thing: In reality, everyone around me seems to use connections all the time. What got me thinking is that they actually benefit from it when it comes to getting a job, a promotion, or operating a business. Using connections seems to work for them.

Hence, I guess I should also make use of this idea. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to belittle anyone or suggest that connections are the only way to help you get what you want. Skills still matter a lot. It's just that.

Connections can sometimes be a useful tool to make things easier.

Ego

**Basically, **I’m fully aware that ego can ruin everything. Nonetheless, I catch myself using it *consciously *from time to time. It’s like a human instinct or something. What surprised me is that when I try to recall my past, I can’t find any single situation where my ego brought any benefit. So, writing this paragraph is a way to remind myself once more to use it wisely. Sometimes, the things you have been through or your ego-driven desire for prestige are not as important as we might think. Ego or prestige can turn out to be pretty useless.

Goal

A few months ago, I felt so unmotivated and lost. It was like I didn’t want to do anything, constantly drained. I was just going through each day without any direction, and couldn’t figure out why I felt that way. I tried to look back at the last two years when I was feeling fresher and compare them to now, and it hit me that besides feeling low, I had no life *goals *at all. I had already achieved the things that I wanted to do or have. For me, I’m the kind of person who loves being comfortable. But having goals used to be what pushed me forward.

Thus, my suggestion is that, even if it’s just one small thing, set a goal for yourself. Having something to work towards might help rekindle your motivation and bring back that drive you’re missing right now. And I recommend jotting down your achievements in a journal or on a board. When you look back, it's like giving you a little boost of encouragement.

These things are just pretty basic stuff that I’ve heard or read about countless times on the internet or in books. It might be because they seemed too simple and obvious. That’s probably why, I guess, I neglected them.

Photo by Barbara Krysztofiak on Unsplash